Last week for me: 5-9 (season total: 33-37-1)
Last week’s coin toss: 7-7 (season total: 38-32-1)
Patriots (-3.5) @ Jets
No matter how hard I try to put together two sentences about this match up, I just can’t do it. All I want to know is what Tom Brady will wear this week for the post game conference.
Will Ernst Stavro Blofeld show up?
Or will it be, as this wonderful tweet suggests, Vince Clarke from Erasure?
Whatever happens, I just hope something like this happens:
Seriously, Brady is probably thrilled to have Gronk back. Gronk’s not the kind of guy to leave a bro hanging!
I’m taking the Patriots.
Chargers (-7) @ Jaguars
I dismissed the Jags unfairly last week with a snarky “LOL”. I never say LOL! Seriously, it might be the first time I said it in a non-mocking way.
Not that I’m giving myself any credit for the Jags’ gusto of a game as they attempted to topple the Tower of Manning. The Jags did some things last week! They’re still not not terrible, but they might be less terrible with Justin Blackmon catching passes from guys not named Blaine Gabbert. They could win a game! It probably won’t be this game, but I do think they’ll cover. Jaguars, all the way.
Bengals @ Lions (-2)
This Bengals team confuses me. They’re solid on defense and show flashes of brilliance on offense, but I can’t find a way to feel confident in them, even getting under a field goal. I think the Lions take this one pretty comfortably.
Bills @ Dolphins (-7)
Did you know there are only two teams through 6 weeks who have scored at least 20 points in every game? Can you guess which of those two teams isn’t quarterbacked by Peyton Manning?
That’s right, it’s the Bills! They’re a genuine surprise this year and I think they’re better than their 2-4 record shows. Meanwhile, I don’t believe in this Dolpins team at all, chiefly because they’re getting decimated with injuries on defense. Maybe the bye week helps them get a bit healthier, but there’s no way I’m not taking those points. Bills all the way.
Bears (-1) @ Redskins
The Bears haven’t beat a really good team this year but that doesn’t really matter since they’ll take on the Redskins, who have been anything but good. I wouldn’t take the Skins plus a touchdown; there’s no way I’m not picking the Bears.
Cowboys @ Eagles (-2.5)
Someone’s going to take sole possession of the NFC East (and with +.500 record!), but who? Fun fact: The Eagles wins have come against teams combining for a 1-15 record, while the Cowboys wins come against teams combining for 4-13. Both have played the Redskins and Giants, while the Cowboys came up with a win against the schizofrenic Rams; the Eagles took out the Buccaneers.
Another fun fact: Both teams 3 losses came against the outrageous AFC West, losing to the Chargers, Broncos and Chiefs. I’ve had a lot of fun goofing on how horrible the NFC East has been, but that’s a brutal schedule, especially considering the new look Chargers and Phillip Rivers 2.0.
This ought to be a shootout, but I think the Cowboys come out on top here.
Rams @ Panthers (-7)
The Panthers are underperforming like crazy. Ron Rivera seems to have committed himself to aggressive play and it should pay off. I’m pretty sure they cover that spread with a little room to spare. Panthers.
Buccaneers @ Falcons (-6.5)
How are the Falcons giving up this many points? How will they score, especially against a stout Bucs D? The Matt Ryan and Harry Douglas show might squeak out a win, but I’ll happily take the points the Buccaneers are getting.
49ers (-3) @ Titans
I was dismissive of Ryan Fitzpatrick last week. I’ll continue to be dismissive of him, just with a little less gusto. Jake Locker can’t come back soon enough. 49ers.
Texans @ Chiefs (-6)
Speaking of being dismissive, Case Keenum makes for a potentially easy target, but mostly I just feel bad for him. This is a rough way to start an NFL career, taking on this ridiculous Chiefs defense. If he can avoid throwing a pick six, he’ll be an instant hero, but it won’t be enough. Chiefs.
Browns @ Packers (-9.5)
Too high! Packers should win, but I’m not giving up over 9 points. Browns.
Ravens @ Steelers (-2.5)
Recent years would tell you this should be a good game. But not this year! I don’t really know what to make of these decidedly uninspiring teams, so I’m taking the Steelers simply cause they’re at home.
Broncos (-6) @ Colts
I love the Colts this year, though last Monday’s loss to the Chargers was pretty shameful. Maybe it was the trip out west, but the whole team looked lethargic and disjointed. Too much is on the line here for that to happen again and the Colts won’t have a chance to goof around and try to “establish the run” this week with their 3 YPC specialist. Should be a high scoring affair. The Andrew Luck Statement Game. Colts outright (but happy to take the points, too).
Vikings @ Giants (-3.5)
That this turd of a game is on Monday Night is an affront to football. The Giants are BAD. But they’re actually favored! How can that be! Oh yeah, they’re playing the mighty Vikings, starting the Scourge of Tampa Bay at QB.
Josh Freeman is the only reasonable explanation for why the Giants should be giving up over a field goal here. I just can’t see this working in the G-men’s favor. Adrian Peterson runs all over them, Freeman puts in a totally unremarkable performance and Eli finds a way to make the Vikings D look good. Vikings.